Purely me

A few days ago I got a special gift: a grain-free superfood bar with the name “Purely Elizabeth”. It made me laugh and be thankful, but also reminded me again, how important it is, to be truly, purely myself.

It seems that we constantly hear and read about being authentic and being you and being true to yourself. But what does that actually mean? I read a wonderful article about that topic by Manuel Harand (article only available in German), writing about his journey to his truth and it touched me deeply. For many years I’ve been on my path to be honest and tell my truth, not hiding behind white lies. But the painful realization is, that I’ve only been scratching on the surface, not really being completely honest to myself in that path. I touched on that in a previous article on vulnerability and expression of self. But it goes much deeper than that.

In so many situations I automatically scan the situation and the people involved, in a matter of milliseconds flipping through all the different scenarios of what they might expect from me and how they might expect me to be. Not realizing for a long time that I was always hiding big parts of myself…

I’m still really good at trying to figure out what others expect of me, and to do that and be that person. And for my journey, it’s not a good talent to have, because it keeps me from really discovering myself. What is purely Elisabeth? What is purely me? And can it be expressed in words?

My journey to follow my wild heart is my path to my true self. And on the way I learned that there is no clear answer to that. I learned that being me is not a state but a process. Not a noun but a verb – as Tamarack Song would put it. It is not about arriving some place and saying: “Ah, yes. Now I arrived and I’m truly myself”. It’s in every single decision I make, every single thing I do and think and say.

Every time I decide not to say anything – because of whatever wonderful and creative story I came up with why I don’t have to say something – I deny myself to be me. And it hurts. It’s so much easier to just go back into my old patterns and not deal with it… But since I found my voice to follow my wild heart, it is a really powerful reminder of my path. And it strips away all the stories I’m creating. It’s not about showing all the different versions of myself that someone else expects or wants me to be. It’s about figuring out, when I’m not honest to myself, then thanking myself for noticing it. And inviting all the emotions in, that come with it.

So, after sitting on that article for a few days, worrying that the message might not be clear enough or on point enough or xyz enough, I embrace all of that, welcome it to be a part of me being purely Elisabeth, and will send it on its way. In its absolutely perfect imperfect glory. And after hitting the “publish”-button, I’ll take some time to care for all the emotions that came up…

Can you relate? How much or how often are you purely yourself?