As a writer, especially a rather unexperienced writer, I constantly ask myself: what the hell do I actually know that I can write about? The quote “write what you know” that I somehow strongly connect to the movie “Never been kissed” fuels this question.
Of course, I’ve been on this earth for roughly 4 decades now, so I should know something. I should have experienced quite a bit, shouldn’t I? And I guess I did experience quite a bit. and I know quite a bit. but how much is enough so that I can write about it? Of course we can build castles in the clouds, imagining how things could be or could turn out. And to some degree we have to do that, if we create stories. But they also need to be grounded in real emotions. Real people. Real places. Or real knowledge of how the world works. Or at least seems to work, depending on the viewpoint, culture or ecosystem you’re in.
So what do I know?
Especially, what do I know that others might not know? And I guess that’s where it gets dicy. All of a sudden we find one other person, or a handful of people who also know something. And this leads to a downward spiral of comparing and standing in our own way.
Neil Gaiman once said in one of his courses: “be specific”. So I can tell you about my experience of “how to dry wool socks around the fire”. How it’s important which firewood you choose, because spruce contains some pitch, which creates mini-explosions, sending glowing sparks flying through the air and onto your socks (and other clothes), burning little holes in them. And don’t even get me started on pine…
But that isn’t everything that’s needed
Who is the story for? Why should it matter to you. or me. or anyone for that matter? Well, it’s the ever-present struggle of the artist. How do we create something that matters? And WHY would we even want to do that? Why go through all the trouble of going deeply into self-reflection or relating to someone else, or going deep into the different levels of pain that individuals or the collective go through, or simply share something that is hard to share?
What is new? What is unique?
And how does it differ from all the art that was already created? Some would say: just because it’s you or me that’s doing it, it is already unique, because of the uniqueness of each one of us. But then again, so many of us trained their whole lives to emulate others. To be like everyone else. To fit in. Like the research by Brené Brown shows:
The opposite of belonging is fitting in
And as far as I could observe so far, most of us are a lot better at fitting in than in truly feeling like we belong.
And how can it be, that we need to do something that seems so counterintuitive? That we need to not care what others think to actually be truly accepted by others for who we are?
The last few days I felt very lonely
I had just spent a whole week around a community of people in a beautifully held container. And all of a sudden, I was alone again. Away from my home in a country and area foreign to me. But then I remembered, that the natural world, even though it changes depending on the region and the climate zone, speaks a language that we can always connect to. Where there is no culture, rules or expectations we need to fit into.
Instead, when we are around the leafed people, or the winged, the rock people or the water people, we can simply be ourselves. We will receive no judgement. We will not wonder and worry how to fit in. So as soon as we remember – and I mean truly, instinctively remember – who we are, we can almost instantly feel that belonging. And when we feel that belonging, creativity can flow. And all of a sudden, all those thoughts and worries that were in our heads before, that were all fuelled by different aspects of fear, are somewhat instantly blown away.
Then, we can connect to that deeper knowing within us
That knowing, that knows that we know something, and what that is. And that knows what needs to be expressed in every single moment. Then there is no boundary. no limit to what we can do. And then, the feeling of connection and belonging is not a mental construct, but a way of being. And then – at least in that moment-, there is no fear of judgement, no fear of being ousted, humiliated or looked down upon. Because then we know, that we can always connect with all those other non-human people that also inhabit this beautiful world with us together, who are always ready to allow us to be part of their community.
At least that is what I know right now. In this moment. I might forget about it. I might focus on some other knowings at a different time. But since all we have is the here and now, that’s all that is needed for me. And it can be for you too.
