As soon as we start thinking about becoming self-employed, we are bombarded with advertising on social media. Then we quickly get the following message (directly or indirectly): “Are you self-employed as someone who offers their services over the internet? Well then, you have to follow all the stories of people on social media. Then you need followers, because that’s the only way you can build your business and attract people to you all the time.”
And each of these coaches has great ways to do exactly that, and only their way is the right way. And you believe them. Because even though we are well aware that the internet is full of con artists, all these people you might have been following for a long time don’t seem like that. They are definitely different, and what they say seems logical. And they want to help you…
I have been observing this whole issue of advertising, especially in the coaching/trainer/speaker/therapist/whatever bubble, for many years now, and I can’t take it anymore. Even though it’s not explicitly stated in most cases, the underlying message everywhere is that we have to be famous or popular or loved or special in some way if we want to have any chance of success in our self-employment. However, I’m now wondering more and more how I can recognize and let go of all the nuances and levels of this extremely efficient brainwashing. But what is it actually about?
If you’re famous, you’ve made it
Some people in the coaching scene present themselves as superstars in one way or another. They hold huge events that are more like spectacles than deep connections on a human level. They suggest that if we want to help people in any way, then we must strive to live like these “super coaches.”
Others make their money by telling others what they should do to become rich, famous, or successful, without really living what they are selling. Still others simply present themselves in a great light in order to sell something they would like to be but are not. They believe they have to do this, but are usually not happy at all (been there).
But what happens beneath the surface is constant gaslighting and guilt-tripping, communicating that we are not (yet) good enough as we are. It’s the same carrot on a stick as before when we were employment, only now it’s coated with a magical aura.
What if I don’t want to be famous, well-known, and visible?
Does that mean I can automatically say goodbye to my self-employment? If you believe most of the great marketing coaches out there, then yes. After all, we all HAVE to be visible. How else will anyone find us, right?
They are addressing our fear that we have embarked on a path where we may think that we have bitten off more than we can chew. But what about all the people before the internet and social media existed? Did no one ever start their own business? Did they all have to step onto some kind of (metaphorical or literal) stage?
Partly, yes. And I’m not saying that it’s not absolutely necessary for the people we offer our services to find us. But I want to question the image that social media and the internet convey to us about HOW we can achieve this.
I never wanted to be famous or be on stage
I always felt much more comfortable staying in the background and making sure that those in the spotlight could perform well. But in recent years, I have allowed myself to become so caught up in this narrative that I have spent an endless amount of energy thinking about how I can become visible, well-known and even “famous”.
I desperately thought about how I could become visible to faceless people I didn’t know, and how I could get them to like me and possibly even admire me. Interestingly, making money wasn’t my primary motivation. At the same time, however, there was this constant inner resistance, this feeling that it wasn’t real.
I am not (yet) good enough, or am I?
Following the narrative, I fell into the next hole, thinking that it was my fault that I couldn’t overcome this resistance and that I was standing in my own way, and that I could have been as successful and well-known as many others if I had just posted more somewhere and had more followers, and then everything would be fine.
At the same time, however, I didn’t notice that I was actually already following the path that arises organically, naturally, and gradually when you build up a self-employed business. You make contacts with others, establish collaborations, support each other, and then one thing leads to another and builds itself up.
It’s not shiny and glamorous. It’s not a straight line going up. Sometimes it goes up and sometimes not so much. Sometimes it’s very intense on the outside, and then again very intense in internal processes. It’s quite possible that for years it won’t bring in enough to make a good living. But if we stick with it, we always find a way that wasn’t visible before.
Seeing through the image
For years, I imposed an idea on this image of “becoming visible” that caused me to sit paralyzed in the corner because I was afraid of doing something wrong.
I can’t blog about my own path and all my stumbles and processes if I want to be respected as a guide for people in their processes, can I? Then everyone will see that I don’t have everything figured out, that I don’t know everything and show like I do, and who would go to someone like that?
And you could say that it sounds absurd for someone to write about how we shouldn’t chase after the carrot of “becoming known” and then publish it online. But it depends much more on the intention.
I’ve always been reluctant to publish things “to become visible.” But when I publish things because I felt compelled to write them and share them with others because it might provide food for thought, then I’m not concerned with some obscure concept of fame or recognition.
Rather, I am interested in establishing connections and relationships with all those with whom these words resonate. (Hopefully) without any ulterior motives. Without the idea of manipulating anyone into liking or perhaps even admiring me.
Letting go of the goal
In marketing, as in all aspects of self-employment—if we want to approach it consciously—it’s never about the goal. As long as we cling to the idea of wanting to be well-known, famous, popular, successful, or even just visible, we are clinging to a goal and forgetting that it’s about the journey. That it’s about our personal journey of who we become when we take it.
Do we become some persona chasing some ideas? Or do we become connected, grounded, mature people who gain more and more confidence in ourselves and our own abilities? People who constantly take on new challenges and don’t run away from living their true selves, regardless of whether we get external validation or not.
But what is it really about?
Even though I find myself repeating this question more and more often, it has become one of the most important questions for me on my journey. It always brings me back to my core and to what my intention is. Am I offering something because I need external validation right now? Or because I’m in financial need? Or am I doing it out of pure joy or because the impulse is there right now?
When we realize that we need something, ideally we take care of our needs ourselves or with the help of our close family and friends, and only offer something when we have enough of it. At its core, however, it is particularly important in ethical marketing to avoid any hidden manipulation.
Then we can concentrate on simply building transparent and authentic connections with people, which may or may not lead to offers or collaborations. Then we can let go of the idea of followers and “having to be famous” and instead connect with our intuition.
Because then, seemingly magically, exactly the right connections and opportunities can arise that we hadn’t even thought of before. And then, slowly but steadily and sustainably, a network of customers/clients, cooperation partners, mentors, and other connections emerges, and we can lead a completely unexciting self-employment or simply a free life without celebrity status and fuss, but happy and content.
