The last few days, I’ve been trapped in a bubble. Everything felt heavy. I couldn’t feel why I was putting in all this effort anymore. The smallest task took an infinite amount of energy. I just wanted to hide away and give up.
And now, almost from one minute to the next, I suddenly see it again. I notice again that the sun is shining and how much joy life can bring. I have no idea how long it will last, but that’s not the point.
I know these phases of meaninglessness very well. Sometimes they last for days and weeks, sometimes only a few hours. But what they all have in common is that my thoughts are playing tricks on me, making me believe something that doesn’t exist. I now know very well that it’s just a trick of my mind to wallow in self-pity. I don’t really know who in my inner system benefits from this state of mind, but I know that it will pass. I know I don’t have to take it too seriously. And I know that I just have to shift my focus to something else to get off this pointless-merry-go-round.
And yet, all this knowledge doesn’t prevent me from sinking into these phases again and again. But it does help me to get out of them a little faster.
Should I take my thoughts seriously or not?
I keep asking myself what I should do with my thoughts in these situations. I know that they are there to keep me trapped in this feeling. And that they are not true. But I still realize that I have to take the mood seriously, at least. It tells me something. In most cases, it tells me that I have crossed my boundaries somewhere, or that I have not satisfied or taken care of a certain need.
At the same time, however, we must not take the mood too seriously either, as it does not help us to change or improve anything. It keeps us stuck in this paralysis of pity, this victim mentality, from which there seems to be no escape.
The way out
It seems as if there is no way out and yet there are ways out everywhere we look. For me, it has always been the case that a certain word, a small action, or a thought has reminded me to be in the here and now, and suddenly this dark, heavy feeling has been blown away.
This time, it was a short conversation that reminded me how much magic can be found in wild nature and how we just need to open our eyes to it. Other times, it was realizing what gifts I have in my life in the form of wonderful friendships with dear people.
All forms of gratitude can help us escape this vortex. However, it is often much easier when we experience it in interaction with other people, rather than simply trying to conjure it up for ourselves.
The gift of heaviness
I am writing these lines almost minutes after emerging from this latest bout of heaviness, and I realize that it is not easy for me to contemplate this heaviness without wanting to fall back into it. And yet it also brings its gifts.
When we are in the midst of it, it forces us to slow down. It forces us to reflect on where we may have neglected certain needs or exceeded our limits. It also forces us to confront the feeling of who we are when we are not actively contributing and cannot live up to our own ideal image. Because we also need to make peace with these feelings of inadequacy.
And when we climb out of this hole, it gives us the gift of recognizing everything we already have in our lives that we often fail to see or appreciate. It also reminds us that we are stronger than we sometimes believe and that it is extremely important to persevere and not give up when things are difficult or dark. Because the next day of sunshine will come. Even if it seems unlikely at the moment.
Connection with the natural world
In situations like these, it can be extremely helpful if we have had previous experiences—for example, in nature—where we have experienced with our whole body, mind, and soul that, in a moment of utter despair, we see no way out, and then a seemingly minimal change occurs, and suddenly the path is absolutely clear again.
However, if you have not yet experienced such a situation, I invite you to try an experiment. What if this were possible for you too? Then this very situation would be the best opportunity for you to let yourself fall into the trust that the impulse will come and you will be able to get off the meaningless-merry-go-round. And as soon as you have done it once, you will be able to do it again and again.
But if you still feel like you might need help climbing out of a hole you have fallen into, you can reach out to me or any other life counselor, psychotherapist or coach that you feel comfortable with. That’s what we’re here for.
