A story of finding your truth, calling bullshit on some stories of others, and going into a deep place of humility.
We all know those people, both on social media and in real life, that seem like they have it all figured out. They seem to have it all. They seem to be happy. They seem to be special. They seem like they never make mistakes.
And I hate those people! I truly do!
Well… to be more honest, I can’t stand the people who actively present themselves as having it all figured out. Because there are some, that don’t do that so much, but still we project that sense of perfection onto them… And it almost always leads to us feeling crappy about ourselves, am I right?
This is especially true, when going more into marketing and storytelling
Throughout my path to follow my wild heart, during sort of presenting myself as coach or nature mentor, I always had a strong aversion to any message that would imply that I have it all figured out. I felt like I would be telling a lie, while at the same time, so many others were communicating that you need to present yourself as a specialist. As someone who knows what they’re doing. Otherwise nobody would take me seriously and nobody would trust me enough to allow me to support them in their journey. So I would just not put out a lot of content.
But I finally got a better idea of why I wouldn’t post: Because I know, that there will always be more layers to any story. I will learn more, grow more, and also stumble and realize, that I only thought I had it all figured out (whenever I would get to that point of actuall thinking that I had it figured out). So I knew that whatever I was sharing was just freezing that moment in time.
Because in the end, all of our lives are just big heaps of experiences.
We’ll, take two steps forward, three back, see that there is a completely new path that we hadn’t even noticed before, turn our heads, and realize, that we had been here before. But now we see it with new eyes. With less blinders, or just different ones. Or with different types of glasses. We will never be in a situation twice, because we will have changed. But it won’t always look as if we’re actually moving forward or growing. Especially from our very subjective position.
If you thought you know: you don’t
Some years age I published a video about being worth something even without success on the outside. And comparing it to feeling worth something also when we’re single. Thinking I had transcended that aspect, because I was in a seemingly great relationship. But I had just fooled myself. And when the relationship ended, I felt anything but worth something. But I was still not in the same situation I was in, all those years ago, when I felt like a leper just because I had no partner validating that I’m okay, lovable, and valuable. I was a different person. I had already experienced the feeling of worthiness for myself before. So I knew I could do it again. It doesn’t mean I feel like Im worth something the whole time. It just means, that I remember, and can come back to that feeling more easily.
But it also showed me, that every realization, every learning is like a rose-pedal of an endlessly big rose, slowly spiralng into deeper knowing. And whoever communicates (on whatever level) that they have figured it out and KNOW, I tend to question that.
The journey of knowing
Everything we learn about ourselves has so many layers, and it isn’t like flipping the switch and then you’re different and never fall back into that other (thought-)pattern. It’s constant training. And being true to yourself is constant training. So there is never going to be a “I have it all figured out” state. It’s just an “ah, I have found one more puzzle piece”. And even then, we might forget about that puzzle piece because we had only found it, but instead of putting it into its spot, we put it back into the pile.
And every situation has their light and their dark side. All at the same time. Being single and being in a relationship. Being “successful” and struggling to make ends meet. And just because we have managed to find that sweet spot once, it doesn’t mean we’ll always be able to keep it. And it won’t even mean we’ll manage to ever reach it again. But it will still allow us to grow stronger with each fall. Especially if we consider it a fall instead of a “failure” (thank you Simon Sinek for that reframe).
In the end, it’s all grey, or a whirlwind of colour. Growth isn’t a linear thing. It simply means, that we’re not dying, and that we’re still alive. And if we let go of the idea, that we actually need to “figure out” anything, then we can start relaxing and enjoying the ride.
where to go from here?
So how has that helped me in my business? And how can we let go of that idea that we need to have it figure out, or we need to find others who have?
Well, I have (currently) come to the conclusion, that it’s not about any of it. We “simply” need to let go of the idea that there is someone else out there that is better than us. That just because someone knows a little more about topic A or B, they are not actually better, because we know more about topic C or D. And in the end, it’s not about knowing more or being better.
Yes, it helps to know that the surgeon that might cut open our brain has some experience and also a track record of success. It calms us down. But who do we really trust? Well, I personally don’t trust the people who communicate that they can guarantee success. At first glance, I might want that. But going deeper, what is it that counts?
Especially for offering any kind of guiding role like a teacher, a coach, a mentor, or whatever you might call it, it’s a lot more important that we communicate that the others should trust themselves and not us. So that the other person can actually remember their own strength. So we don’t actually have to have it all figured out. We “just” need to be supporting others on their path.
I’m not here to tell anyone anything. I am here to hold the space for others to be able to get to know themselves. Experience what it means to be alive and taking ourselves seriously (but not too seriously either).
Just like a child can teach us so much, without knowing anything, but just being their most natural selves, we all just need to be our most natural selves. And we learn being that by observing others who are like this.
So all of those words actually lead to the fact that you probably don’t actually need me (or anyone else) to tell you how to live your life or reach some goal. But if you want to be around people who live at least a little more of their true selves, you can learn to do the same. And that’s honestly the only thing I can actually offer as a guide or nature-mentor.
I will never have all the answers. I will never have it all figured out. I will always make mistakes. Because that’s how I learn and grow. And this is also true for everyone else. So don’t look for someone to put on a pedastal, because you diminish yourself by doing that. You are powerful! and you don’t have to have it all figured out either. Just look for the next step. And if you truly can’t see it, look for people who you trust to hold your hand and help you figure it out for yourself. in your own time. in your own way.