Doing what your heart calls out to do seems like such an easy thing. But sometimes it’s the hardest of them all.
Writing has been my calling, my passion, my source of centeredness and inspiration since I was little. Whenever I felt like I didn’t know what to focus on in my work and life, I always came to the point that writing is the one thing I would never not do. That I simply couldn’t not do.
But there were so many ideas in my head of what I need to or should do during the span of a day, week, month or year. Ideas, that writing will simply not sustain me monetarily, so I should let go of that “nonesense” and do something “productive” and useful with my life. (I wrote a whole blog article about productivity that will be published soon as well).
Going deeper into those beliefs I finally realized and truly deeply felt and saw how all those times I couldn’t say no to someone asking me for something, and me doing it out of the intention of making them happy or not upset, or maybe even liking me because of it, I was actually constantly saying no to myself. Communicating to my own system that my needs and wishes just weren’t as important as the other’s.
So now I have finally arrived at the stage where I am reprioritizing. Whenever I might do something out of people-pleasing mode (and actually notice doing it), I simply stop and do something that I feel excited about doing. I say yes to myself. This can be doing craftwork, writing, working in the garden, meeting friends, or just sitting and observing the world around me.
It is still hard work, and I need to be very vigilant. It needs constant attention. And I will most likely slip up a few times. But the more often my system experiences that enriching feeling of saying yes to myself, the harder it will become to go against that.
Letting it all in
The key in this part of the process is to let it all in. To feel all the emotions, both when I stand up for myself and how that feels, and when I don’t. I don’t want to put words to it, because they would distance myself from the actual sensations in my body. The stronger I notice, observe and feel the sensation, the stronger it will be edged into my memory.
This helps in all the situations where I might be tempted to say yes to some request that I don’t actually want to say yes to. If I can recall all the sensations of how it feels to betray myself, and imagining how I would end up on my deathbed (or even earlier) if I keep doing that, it creates a strong visceral feedback that helps me make better decisions for myself.
And even though my brain might shout out, saying that I have no idea where this could lead me, that I could end up homeless, frustrated and alone. That I could be ostracized, laughed at and ridiculed, I know I need to do it. I know that there is no other way for me.
Writing as dedication to life
I was always scared, that when sharing about my journey, my observations or my learnings, that people would think that I’m selfish and ego-centered, so I had a strong resistance against it.
But my whole life I have dreamt of writing, sharing different perspectives, and changing the narrative and awareness of what we think we know about ourselves, others, and the world around us. Over the years, other aspects have joined. Especially my experiences living immersed in nature for longer periods of time have allowed me to go deeper into that exploration of life and questioning a lot more of our belief systems and stories we tell ourselves.
My fear, that nobody would be interested in my stories, my writing and my perspective couldn’t keep me from writing, but it has kept me from publishing/sharing a lot of it.
Recently I was part of a wonderful conversation about what it is we do and how it feels, when we are fully giving ourselvs to life. When we let go of control, fall into that river of life, and fully dedicate every action, every minute of our life to that higher purpose. It’s like serenading life itself. And while I was listening, and connecting to that feeling of fully devoting ourselves to what life has in store for us, I was again thrown back to my roots: writing.
There will always be more urgently seeming projects or tasks. But I need to be true to myself and that “higher” purpose. This doesn’t mean I will abandon my other projects (after all, I need some inspiration what to write about), but my priorities will change.
I’m doing all of what I’m doing to create and hold spaces for opening up and experienceing deep connection. Not just in the wilderness immersions, but with my writing (and everything else I’m doing) as well. But for deep connection, I need actually create the space to build connection.
Therefore I am reaching out to you now.
If you have actually read up until this point, it seems you are interested in something I’m sharing. So now, I would like to know from you, what this actually is that you want to read (more) about. Is it…
- my adventures (wilderness, travelling, etc)?
- my projects (the tiny house, the tiny house community, wild living property in Sweden, etc)?
- my observations of life (patterns, dynamics, etc.)?
- my nature connection experiences?
- my personal journey (stumbling blocks, high points, learnings – especially around living a life as a free(er) human)?
- the stories of other people on their way a wild, free life?
- novel-type stories that incorporate all of the above?
- all of the above?
Or would you be interested in something completely different?
I’m grateful for every step we have been and will go together. The more we share and learn from each other, the deeper our connection can become. Let’s create something beautiful together!
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