I'm a leper

Now with the next set of restrictions due to the pandemic, I truly feel like a leper, just because I’m not vaccinated (yet?).

And it would be so easy to just conform and get on with my life, but then I wouldn’t even see the struggles of the unvaccinated any more. I won’t be able to feel into all those feelings coming up. Feeling like a nuisance, like a second class citizen. Like someone that everyone else just tolerates and wants to get rid of or at least not see any more. I could simply go on with my life.

All the problems that so many fringe groups have and how they feel daily, sometimes since they were born.

We live in an absolutely cruel world that punishes everyone who steps too far away from the norm. And it’s one thing to know about this in theory. It’s completely different to be in the trenches. To get a glimpse of what so many people are feeling.

Yes, to other degrees I have felt like a leper or outcast before. But not in this extreme way. And I know, that for people who might be physically impaired in one way or another, this is their reality every moment of their lives. And they can’t simply go “get vaccinated” so that they’re accepted in society again.

But what can we do about it?

We need to walk in each other’s shoes a lot more.

Like having a “mandatory day in a wheel chair, or with blindfolds on or with completely deafening headphones or something. Those are “easy” to get a tiny glimpse of a completely different worldview. But what about ousting because of racism, sexism, ageism, youthism, “poor”ism (however it may really be called) and all the other fringe groups?

One little experience is not enough! When can we finally start to take a break to open our eyes and stop ignoring all those walls that we have put up?

It’s truly frustrating how often we (and this includes me way too often) keep ignoring and pushing away important issues just because “the show must go on”.

I’m done!

I seem to still keep on running even though I see that I need to slow down. I need to embrace being ousted from society. Because it is just one story to help me access those feelings inside me that had been there for so long.

So I will go on this journey of embracing my status of being an “unwanted”. And hopefully, through that process, free myself from the shackles of wanting to conform and be part of the group.

I choose “death”, because evolutionary speaking, being ousted was certain death. But staying in this construct of letting someone else dictate my life and my health feels like choosing emotional death.

So I need to stick to my values, and walk into my societal execution. Learning to embrace death as a part of life. Sounds so big, so dramatic. And in the end, not a lot of people will even notice it. But I will know, And I will feel different. And I will not give a fuck.

This doesn’t mean I won’t at some point get vaccinated. I just might not tell. Maybe out of solidarity. Maybe for some completely different reason. But it will be out of the intention to follow what my inner voice is telling me.

So if you can relate (or resonate), come join me. No program, no plan. Nobody giving you the answers. Simply someone holding the space for your own process to unfold.

I’m a leper
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One thought on “I’m a leper

  • 24. May 2023 at 11:29

    I completely resonate with this. It’s better to be dead and reborn as a completely new being and live life as per own terms rather than continuing to live based on rules defined by a few who claim to be the leaders of ‘society’. I feel most people never come to know that they are living someone else’s life or have the courage to rock the boat. So they continue irrespective. I feel lucky to at least have realized this and now think it’s impossible for me to continue following the norms whatever be the consequences. And it’s helpful to know there are others like me .


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