I just watched an episode of the old TV-show Men in Trees. One of the episodes is called “What you’re worth”, and in the end, the narrating voice shares:
“One of the hardest things of being single, is believing that you’re worth something. Alone. Too many single people sell themselves short. Here’s what I think. Maybe there’s a real value to figuring out who we are. Alone. Because we can’t invest in someone really Special, until we invest in ourselves.
Maybe being alone Isn’t something to be suffered through. Maybe it’s something to celebrate. And sometimes, the universe celebrates with you. And just because you don’t have someone to share the celebration with, doesn’t make it less beautiful.”
And I had watched that episode (and the whole show) what feels like a thousand times, but now I realized something new. This same thing is a hundred percent applicable for being a starting out entrepreneur, that’s not “successful” yet. We think we need the big money or fame or follower or impact to validate us. We want to get out of that uncomfortable situation of not being sure if we’re actually able to make it. If we can stick around long enough to figure out what works and what doesn’t. Long enough to figure out what we’re really good at, where we shine (both inside and out), and how we can best be of service to others.
We want to already “be there”. Know that we’re worth it, because someone else (in this case not the partner, but the client/customer) has validated us.
And I have spent the last almost 4 years fighting really hard. Grabbing onto all kinds of not really ideal (customer-)relationships. People who on paper would be ideal, but weren’t ready. People who were just looking for a quick fix. Or people who didn’t see me at all and only saw what they wanted to see. And I tried to make each and every one of them happy. Both sometime earlier in my single phase, and then again in my business.
And now, I’m in the process of standing on my own two feet, without looking for validation. Of course, at some point I will need to find some way to sustain myself. And that’s a lot easier with money. But there are always more options. The world isn’t black and white. Just as much as there isn’t that one option where you find your one perfect partner that covers all of your needs, that you will stay with forever, marry and have kids with, being an entrepreneur and building a business, or simply making a living doesn’t have only one way to do it to meet your needs. There is one way that’s “easy” and that a lot of people follow. And they might be happy with it. But people who dig deeper into what their heart really truly longs for, more often than not, need a more complex and nuanced and more out of the box way. With no clear path or clear answer.
And to those people, including myself, I say:
Let’s start embracing where we’re at. Let’s value us for our journey to our inner truth and heart voice. No matter, if we have success on the outside to show off, or not.
After approximately 7 years of being single, and going through all the different hard emotions of not feeling worth something and feeling like all the people in relationships looking at me with pity in their eyes, and even the friends who mean well, wishing you that you “find someone to be happy”, I kind of stumbled upon an amazing person, that I’m now really happy with. And the thing that makes it extra special is, that we don’t NEED each other. We love each other, love spending time with each other, and enjoy each second. And we decide each moment, that we WANT to be together.
And this is so much more valuable than chasing someone just because we’re lonely and we need to fill that whole in our hearts.
So from now on, I am practicing that same thing for my professional life. I will be my most impeccable self. Will fellow my wild heart with each step a little more. And if people come along, that love to be with me, and I have to be with them, then we have the jackpot. Anyone else is simply not right for me.
I might still – very consciously and selectively – sometimes agree to non-perfect relationships, if it’s clear to all parties, what they’re getting.
That’s simply the realistic way of life. But I won’t sell myself for anything that’s not aligned with my values.
Do you want to join me? I created a facebook-support-group for people like us. Because it might be a long road still ahead of us, and it’s a lot easier and more fun to walk it together.
If you resonate with my writing and would like to work with me or get to know me, you can contact me to schedule a free call so that we can see and figure out if we’re a good fit.