For many years I’ve been struggling with the question of my essence. What is it that I’m really good at? What is it that makes me unique? What is my role and my purpose?
And after asking myself those questions for many years, I finally got clearer answers a few weeks ago, when I realized, that I was trying to put myself into predefined boxes, that didn’t really fit.
I felt like a puppet on a string, until I had realized that I needed to let go of those ideas and definitions and openly look at what I do. That process of realization and anger (described in Puppet on a string), and now letting go and opening up, were the most important steps in my process of figuring out who I am.
I could tell you that I’m on my path to building my business that allows me to live my purpose and serve in the best way that I can. And since I’m building a business, I need to know who I am, what I stand for and what my services and products are.
But that’s just a story that I held on to for the last almost two years. I was grabbing onto that story so tightly, that I didn’t even realize what was actually happening to me.
I dove into different free and paid material about building your business, marketing, online marketing, how to grow your instagram, how to do facebook ads correctly, how to build up an online training, and the list goes on and on.
The Scanner’s curse and gift
Since I identify with being a Scanner or Multipotentialite, I jumped on any opportunity I could find to learn more. I wanted to understand everything. And with every offer, every webinar, they were targeting to a specific group of people.
One was for coaches, one was for trainers, one for influencers, others were for — I don’t even remember all the “role definitions” I stumbled upon. And I could see part of me in any of those descriptions.
So subconsciously – being a good student and all – I tried to bend and stretch and change myself so that I might fit into one of those categories. Because I thought I needed to know “who I am”, in order to know what next steps to take, so that I could fit into those meticulously prepared courses. To be who “those people” wanted me to be to fit their offer.
But wait a second…
There was always that feeling of something being off. It didn’t feel right to call myself a coach. And it also didn’t feel right to call myself all the other definitons. And the more I noticed it and looked at it in more detail, the more I realized two aspects of it:
- I had a certain idea, picture and feeling attached to any of those definitions, and they didn’t feel appropriate for my own offer.
- Because of that idea, picture and feeling, I felt constricted to them and not be allowed to stretch not only the definition but also my own ideas, pictures and feelings about these words.
How to deal with restrictions
So I did the only sane thing I could think of: I rebelled against it. The result of my rebellion is all over my last blog post….
And after that rebellion, after opening up my vision to what was actually there, instead of what could be there when looking at me through the shaped lenses of certain ideas of definitions. What I actually want to do and am good at.
I ignored the ego trying to tell me that I’m just such a great person that I’m excellent at everything I touch. And I had deaf ears for my critizising voice telling me that I’m not good at anything and that I should just hide somewhere and wait to die.
Learning to listen
What was left was my inner voice. Loud and clear. I want to share stories – My own, as well as other people’s – about their journeys to follow their wild heart and listen to their intuition and inner voice.
And I want to share my experiences during all the different seminars and programs I did, what they’re about and how they helped me on my path.
Additionally I feel drawn to support people and orgainsations that offer programs for deeper connection with yourself, others and nature.
I want to make them more visible to people just like me who are constantly looking to learn and grow. People who are drowning in information, but are actually looking for adventure, growing, and feeling alive and connected. People who are looking for their role and place in live, or who found their role to be a lifelong learner and want to dive into something new with a childlike happiness and excitement.
My own definition
So to sum it up, I found my own definitions of who I am. I will write them down to catch them, and at the same time they are fleeting. I don’t hold on to any of them, so that I can be free to openly listen to my wild heart and change the direction whenever needed. These loose definitions also allow me to have some kind of structure, and at the same time don’t hold me back in any way.
Here it goes… I’m a storyteller, a matchmaker, a guide and a seeker. And who are you?
And if you’re still struggling yourself with that question and are looking for some guidance, just drop me an e-mail. Maybe I can help 🙂